Just A Friendly Chat
by VioTanequil
Summary: When Kenpachi starts to get concerned about Yachiru, who's the first person he asks? Rated T for Language.


"How'd ya do it?"

"I am afraid I do not understand your question. Would you care to elaborate?"

"How'd ya do it? How'd ya chase the guys away from her?"

"Pardon?"

"How'd ya do it? How'd ya chase the guys away from yer little sister?"

"You are assuming, then, that I was the one who, in your words, 'chased the guys away from her'? How…disdainful."

"Don't gimme this shit. No guy from here ta Rukongai dares ta approach yer little sister. Just tell me how ta do that, and I won't bother you no more."

"No guy from here to Rukongai, perhaps, but Kurosaki is not from Seireitei or Rukongai, is he?"

"Look 'ere. I just wanna know, 'kay? You've done it before Ichigo turned up, and you did it well till he turned up. I just wanna know how it's done. That's all. Surely it can't hurt to spill some of tha secrets to a fellow captain in need?"

"Really? Why don't you approach Kurotsuchi? I'm sure he…"

"Don't gimme that shit. That guy's not human. His opinion doesn't count. He's a weird twisted bastard, and we all know it."

"Touché."

"Spill, Kuchiki."

A pause.

"Look here, Zaraki. If you're any good a father, you'll know. One day, you're going to have to let her go."

"Yeah yeah. I'm going ta ignore that insult about being a bad father. You look here, Kuchiki. I want to make things as difficult as I possibly can. She's not nearly old enough for this kinda stuff, 'kay?"

"Fair enough. Though really, it is rather amusing. Who is this person that Kusajishi-fukutaicho is seeing?"

"I don't know!"

"And then how would you expect to go and intimidate the person when you don't know who it is?"

"I don't know! I don't even want her to start seeing anyone. That's why I came to ask you, fucker."

"Language, Zaraki. Remember who is asking for the favor."

"Ah, screw you, Kuchiki."

"No thank you."

"Urgh! Just tell me already! Stop stalling, Kuchiki! I don't want anything else, I'm not goin' ta do anything to you, you've got nothing to lose! Just tell me!"

A smirk.

"Very well. Shall we move inside?"

"Aw, hell no. I don't want ta sit around a sissy table. I might dirty yer pristine floor."

"Nonsense."

"I don't do tea parties."

"I did not invite you for a tea ceremony. I merely invited you inside. And you would do well to listen to my terms."

"Fine. I'm only doin' this for Yachiru."

"Hm."

Sliding of the shoji door.

"Have a seat."

"Fine."

"Tea?"

"I told ya. I don't do sissy things like tea."

"Have it your way."

"Damn straight."

Silence.

"Aw, c'mon, Kuchiki. Tell me already!"

A sip of the tea.

"Kuchiki!"

Thunk.

"Oh. Right. Sorry I interrupted your oh so important tea drinking. Sorry I pissed ya off."

A sigh.

"Look, just tell me already!"

"Why should I?"

"Cos I'm already here? And because I could beat the living shit out of you?"

"You sure about that?"

"Hell yeah. Wanna go, Kuchiki?"

"I believe you had another purpose, coming all the way to the Kuchiki Estates? Surely it cannot be for sparring with me."

"URGH! KUCHIKI! JUST TELL ME ALREADY!"

"Don't do anything."

"WHAT?!"

"Did you not hear me? I do not like repeating myself. I am sure you need your hearing checked, if that is the case."

"Don't fuck with me! I heard what you said."

"And the problem lies where?"

"What the hell do you mean when you say 'don't do anything'? Like the guys will leave her alone if I 'don't do anything'!"

"They will."

"WHAT?!"

"Are you deaf, Zaraki?"

"Well, duh. No?"

Another sigh.

"As I said earlier, they will leave her alone. Your reputation precedes you, as does mine."

"And?"

"And as such, if you do not take action, bearing in mind the fact that you and I both are known to be excessively overbearing and overprotective..."

"What?!"

"It's true, Zaraki. And as I was saying, due to the fact that it is known that our natures are as such, it would be natural for any young man, any sane young man who wishes to date any of our relatives, in your case, daughter, and in my case, sister, to fear us."

"Okay…"

"The fact that no action is taken possibly indicates the 'calm before the storm'. And as we both know, there is no one in the whole of Seireitei who is dying to die via very violent slashes, nor is there anyone wishing to die in a flurry of petals, this fear would ensure that most shinigami think twice, or at least forty times before they even consider dating the people which we are so overly protective towards."

"Right. As if that ever stopped a man before."

"I told you, did I not? You will have to let her go one day. This is merely the screening procedure."

"URGH!"

"Relax, Zaraki. Any man who dares to date Yachiru would have to be either very brave, very stupid, or very in love. In the first case, we both know that being able to stand up to you, and being able to stand up to your vice-captain are two very different sets of abilities. I only know of one person who can do both regularly."

"Who?"

A growl.

"Me."

A smirk.

"But rest assured, I have no interest in pursuing Kusajishi-fukutaicho. For the second case, well, anyone knows… Yachiru doesn't like being around stupid people, so you don't have to worry about that."

"Really?"

"On second thought, seeing as she deals with the Eleventh on a daily basis, that would be open to interpretation. It is more likely that she cannot stand morons, although evidence seems to indicate otherwise."

Another growl.

"Just continue."

"Thank you. For the third case, this would be where you will have to let go, and let her decide for herself."

"What if I don't want to?"

"You can always threaten the person with bodily harm and dismemberment if you have to. Most of those who are not serious will quail under the prospect of having you come slamming down on them like a ton of bricks."

"Did it work?"

"If you still do not know, Rukia is getting married to Kurosaki in two weeks' time."

"And you approved?"

"Is it my place to decide for her, Zaraki? Think about that. Think about that, and if you still want my help, you can."

"Fine, fine."

Shuffled towards the door.

"Thanks."

"You are welcome."

A pause.

"I still don't like ya."

"I know."

"I can kick your ass anytime."

"I don't think so."

"I'll drink ya under the table."

"Really now? Is that a challenge?"

"You bet it is."

"When and where?"

"Green Lotus, 5th District. Thursday, whenever ya can make it. Heard Abarai said ya were busy."

"Next Thursday, then?"

"Ya better turn up this time."

"We'll see about that."


End file.
